


Last Year

by AnonymousMistake



Category: Given (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, after ep 11, song2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23410888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousMistake/pseuds/AnonymousMistake
Summary: Uenoyama loves Mafuyu but is he just always going to be Yuki's replacement?
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki
Comments: 15
Kudos: 203





	Last Year

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys!!!  
> How are y'all doing?

Uenoyama Ritsuka had always been a hard worker. Everything that he has going for him, has been the result of perseverance. His musical prowess might be viewed by most as raw talent. The considerable precision and indomitable passion he played the guitar gave his music a life of its own.

  
The fact that he had reached that height of artistry just barely out of middle school, fueled the belief in his listeners that Uenoyama was a natural talent, just one of those cases of dumb luck, an accident of birth where he had ended up being the son of a great musician and had musical talent in his genes.

  
In reality, it was probably the rigorous practice he had been doing since he had first held his hand-me-down Fender Telecaster and strummed on its taut strings and run his fingers on the worn-out fretboard which had seemed more lustrous than gold to twelve-year-old Ritsuka. Yes, his musical background had given him access to a lot of resources and records which became his scriptures, but no one held his hand and taught him how to play, he did it by himself. He looked up tutorials, listened to music, tried to understand the notes and train his fingers to move in synchronicity on the strings of his most prized possession.

  
And he played till his fingers bled, then played some more. Through all those cuts from too much friction, scars from popped strings and calluses from playing too hard, Uenoyama Ritsuka had become the musician he is today. With his own style, direction and talent to back all of it up, he is one of the invaluable members of his band, The Seasons, recently rechristened “Given” which was set to make its debut and make its way to the forefront of the music industry.

He was a self-learner, and was determined to master the art of relationships the same way he had his music. He believed that with enough time, trial and error, maybe a few cuts and scratches here and there, he would be as fluent in making things work with his boyfriend as he is on the guitar.

His. Boyfriend.

Even saying that to himself seemed like breaking a rule.

He had grown up seeing girls and boys getting together, he’s sat through enough dramatic outbursts of Yayoi about numerous boys, Kaji-san latest, to last him a lifetime. He’s seen romantic movies, heard narratives in lyrics about a man crooning about his lady-love. It was as natural as breathing. And he’s heard rumours about those kids in school interested in their friends, platonic friends. He’s heard how they were talked about, referred to, and how people were asked to stay away from them. 

He had been told to stay away from Mafuyu Sato because the boy had been deemed ‘dangerous’ due to rumours that he had dated his childhood friend Yoshida Yuki. Nobody seemed to care that the person he had been rumoured to love had died suddenly, if the rumours were true, how much pain he must be in. No, people were more eager to label him as something to stay away from, that quiet, polite to a fault, most vulnerable looking slight framed young red-haired boy anointed ‘dangerous’. The concept was laughable to Uenoyama.

But it did make him think about what people would say about him when he came out in public with his boyfriend. It made his hands sweat up still. Kaji-san had said nothing was wrong with them, with their attraction and feelings towards each other and he didn’t think that it was, but he did know how the society viewed such things. Some part of him did care about other people’s opinion, specially the listeners of their band. Was that the reason Haruki had asked them to hide their relationship? Was he also concerned about the impact of that information on their fans?

No, Haruki-san just wanted their music in the spotlight, not relationship drama. God forbid something goes wrong between them; their whole band image would be affected then.

Fuck band image, fuck the society, fuck their narrow mindsets and notions of life.

Uenoyama Ritsuka was in love with one Mafuyu Sato and he was determined to make it work.

  


* * *

  


  


Sato sat in their studio strumming on his guitar, putting in his practice hours increasing his agility and precision. Not his, Yuki’s guitar. Though it had started to feel like his own, with memories of his own involving other people, the new people in his life who he had come to care about in a very short time.

The first person on that list was Ritsuka. He still called him Uenoyama-kun, having gotten into the habit of doing so and the referred boy didn’t seem to mind, even with the recent change in the dynamic between them. Maybe with time and closeness he’d call him by just his given name, maybe even a moniker that would just be his.

The black-haired guitarist had creeped up on him. He had never thought he would be able to move on from what happened. Forgiving himself and Yuki was not even in his thoughts, having been so mixed up about what he felt or what feeling was appropriate in such a situation. What does one do when their childhood best friend, lover, partner, perfect complement, suddenly ceases to exist? That in itself left him like a kite in the sky in strong gales when the thread snapped. His tether to the ground broken, his mind making out of tune nonsense like Yuki’s Gibson whose strings he had torn.

Uenoyama had quite literally fixed those strings, very quickly, and efficiently tuned the guitar. He’d had no reason to do so, and no reason to stick around after that either. No history tying them together, but the boy had willingly brought Mafuyu into his life, in every sector of his life, introduced him to many new incredible people, gave him the push he needed to go out for himself and make friends.

  
Mafuyu thought the kid probably had no idea what he had been doing, his boyfriend very expressive but sort of clueless in anything other than music. Very spontaneous, something Mafuyu had never been, and will never be. It had been Ritsuka’s that spontaneity that had kickstarted their relationship when he had impulsively claimed his lips after their first live show. Both of them high on adrenaline. And then promptly forgot about it until much later. With his own inexpression and Ritsuka’s awkwardness, it’s a miracle they were even together, but it felt good.

That song he’d screamed out had been the utmost form of catharsis. Saying those words on that stage had made him feel alive, made him feel like he had gotten some answers even though no one had said anything in return.

Mafuyu still missed Yuki, he will always do so, you don’t just erase that kind of history and time, even if the person doesn’t exist. But the constant detached coldness is slowly going away, because of the constant demand on him for being present. With the band, with his new friends, his old friends and his Uenoyama.

He had discovered he was pretty good at writing lyrics, he really wanted to do more of it. The band’s debut was coming up, with him as an official member. There were new beginnings all around him.

  


* * *

  


  


Uenoyama entered the band room and saw Mafuyu alone there, scribbling something in a new notebook he’d got him to write his songs in.

“Hey”, Ritsuka rubbed the back of his head.

Mafuyu looked up with his soft smile in greeting, “Uenoyama-kun”

Uenoyama walked over to his side, kept his guitar bag down and sat beside him, “Kaji-san and Haruki-san are not here yet?”

“Haruki-san’s here, he went out for a smoke. We were waiting for Kaji-san” Sato said, “and you.”

Uenoyama grunted, fiddling with his fingers. He felt Sato’s eager gaze on the side of his face, he tried to decide if he should kiss him in greeting or not, feeling his mind going into overdrive, he decided to concentrate and ignore that soft gaze in lieu of showing affection in public. Although it was just two of them. He sneaked a look from the corner of his eye, and found Mafuyu still looking at him with those eager, soft bambi eyes.

Uenoyama groaned inside his head, why does this have to be so difficult for him? Why did Mafuyu Sato have to be armed with those bambi eyes and pink lips with soft corners?

He whipped his head up in a second and tackled Mafuyu into a kiss, the force of which he misjudged, and ended up crushing the red-head to the ground on his side, lyric book stuck between his half folded thighs and pencil somewhere in that mess of limbs and stationery, with Ritsuka on him, hands cradling the back of his boyfriend’s head, lips crushed to the other one, immobile, eyes shut tightly. Mafuyu’s eyes were wide open, not having anticipated the attack on his self. Ritsuka opened his eyes and moved his head back and realized the awkward bends in their legs could cause injuries and pulled both of them up. Mafuyu’s pencil fell out from under Uenoyama’s shirt with a clatter on the floor.

Mafuyu’s face matched his disheveled hair as he sat like a stone, notebook open with a few pages half crushed.

“Fuck, I had to mess up again! Why do I do these things?!” Uenoyama Ritsuka ~~meeting room~~ farewell party held that particular debate while Uenoyama stared a hole in the ground and copied his boyfriend’s behavior.

When suddenly in a soft voice, Mafuyu said, “I liked that. You can try again if you want to.”

That clicked the power button on Uenoyama who raised his head to look at Mafuyu to ascertain the veracity of that statement. Seeing no sarcasm or mockery, he slowly leaned in and properly kissed his boyfriend’s lips. He almost froze when he felt Mafuyu’s hands on his waist but tried to reciprocate the gesture.

“Can’t leave the two hormonal teenagers alone for one second!” Haruki’s dramatic narration came to their ears and they jumped apart.

Haruki and Akihiko were standing at the door of the studio, both smirking and looking at each other and then at the boy’s caught in flagrante.

Uenoyama found his wits, “You weren’t even here when I came in. You’re late, so shut your faces and get to practice.” He said, getting up, and taking his guitar and plugging it in, “And at least we have our business in order, it’s pathetic, watching you two dance around each other like mating peacocks. Why don’t you two go and suck face in peace?” Stunning both the older guys into complete, shocked silence which was broken by the first cords of the Fender Telecaster, the Gibson was quick to follow.

  


* * *

  


  


Mafuyu opened the door to his place and Kedama came running out to greet them. Mafuyu kneeled down, giggling at the ball of fur throwing itself at him, “Tama, let us go inside.” He stood up walking inside, “Close the door behind you?” He asked a distracted Uenoyama who was busy tracking the little dog which was flitting around his ankles. He just bent down and picked up the fluff and closed the door behind them.

They walked to Mafuyu’s room, with Kedama following and yipping happily. The only veritable change since the last time Uenoyama had been there was the huge stack of records sitting under the desk in the room. 

The room was clean, very organized, unlike his own. Bed made, a bed for Kedama at the foot of the bed, books stacked neatly. A framed picture on the desk which he hadn’t noticed the last time he’s been there. It was a picture of four little boys, one was evidently Mafuyu, recognizable by his red hair and little smile. The one with an arm around his neck must be Yoshida Yuki. The other two probably Mafuyu’s friends Hiiragi and Shizusumi. All looking joyful, Yuki the most energetic of them all.

Uenoyama had not asked Mafuyu about him in particular, about their history, about the kind of person Yuki had been. From what he had heard around and from the picture, he could imagine someone very easy to fall in love with. Someone with the broad smile on that child’s face, with the good looks of a grown teenager and the excitement of a spirited musician. Very easy to fall in love with, indeed. On top of that, he’d heard Yoshida had been the exact opposite of Mafuyu, complementing him perfectly in his outgoing assertive protective manner. He felt the familiar tightening in his stomach.

“Hey, you want something to eat before we brainstorm?” Mafuyu popped his head in the door, startling Uenoyama out of his spiral down.

“Uh, sure.” He answered, with a shrug. Mafuyu nodded and disappeared.

Uenoyama looked back at the frame. It looked like the picture had been taken six or seven years ago. He knows they’d all been friends since childhood and then what had gone down. He feels the familiar jealousy, this time mixed with a tinge of uncomfortableness, which he didn’t know what to call.

Mafuyu came in with coffee and a plate with a few pieces of cake on it. “I had this in the fridge and made some coffee.”

Uenoyama walked over to him where he had set the tray on the floor. They both sat down on either side of it, Uenoyama’s back to the frame.

He took a sip of the coffee and kept it down, having singed his tongue.

“So, you said you wanted to brainstorm songs?”

Mafuyu looked up from his cake and nodded, “Yeah, I was thinking of writing something new. Lyrics I mean. We worked together last time, I wanted you to arrange it a little first before showing it to the guys.”

Uenoyama nodded, going back to his coffee. “So, you have lyrics, or a tune?”

“A concept. I’d rather work on it myself, though. I have a little tune stuck in my head.”

“Okay, how does it sound like?”

Mafuyu started to hum and like always, Uenoyama was hooked, feeling only wonder. This tune was melancholy, but brighter, somehow. He would have fun developing it. He took his guitar and started slowly strumming, playing with cords, some lead, creating a map in his head. He took his phone out and started recording the session to jam later.

After two cups of coffee, a productive session with a basic structure formed, he turned the recorder off.

“I should go.” He started packing things up.

Mafuyu nodded. “Uh, Uenoyama-kun.”

Uenoyama looked up questioningly.

“I just,” Mafuyu hesitated, “I... you know I am bad at expressing things, talking.” He looked at the black-haired boy beseechingly, “So, if you want to know something, ask me. I can’t always tell things voluntarily.”

Uenoyama frowned, not knowing where it was coming from, yet nodded, reassuring the other boy.

Mafuyu continued, “I saw you staring at the picture.”

The tightening was back, now it was embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to pry, it is a beautiful picture, it just caught my eye.”

Mafuyu shook his head, “No, no, you can ask me, if you want to know something.”

Uenoyama considered the offer. He did want to know things, know everything about Mafuyu, understand him, and make him happy. But he wasn’t good at asking things, he assumed. If this relationship stuff has to work, he’d heard people should ask questions and talk openly. So, he blurted out the first thing on his tongue, “Are you still hurt?”

Mafuyu stared at him, probably not understanding the question, so he expanded, “About what happened, I mean, with Yuki and your friends?”

The color drained from Mafuyu’s face. He had not expected such a question maybe. He just looked down, “I don’t know. Sometimes. Yes.”

Uenoyama tried to lighten the situation, “You lost someone you loved, its normal. You’ll feel better in time.”

Mafuyu nodded again, “Love.”

“What?”

“You said loved. As in its in the past. It is, I guess, but in my mind, I still love him as much as I loved him when he was here.”

With that one innocent correction, the tightness in Uenoyama’s stomach grew a branch to his throat. He didn’t know what to say. If he understood correctly. All he knew is that talking to people is good is a bullshit notion. He could have done without knowing that. He would’ve lived in bliss until he’d heard another love song that he’d helped write have lyrics which talked to someone else. He really could’ve used the clear mind till then, for the sake of the band.

  


* * *

  


  


  


Mafuyu didn’t know if he said something wrong. Uenoyama had seemed to have been stunned into silence like he usually is when he is thinking, then had mumbled a goodbye and left. He had expected his new boyfriend to have questions, he would’ve answered all of them. But Uenoyama probably thought one was enough for today.

He picked up his notebook, and started to hum the tune they had just perfected. Words seemed to flow out of him this time. That last song had really needed to come out, now his words were not obstructed. He owed Uenoyama for pushing him to write and the others for supporting him. He was really fortunate to have found this group. This next song will convey everything he felt for them.

  


* * *

  


  


Uenoyama listened to the track they’d recorded, but only one thing was on repeat on his mind. He needed to know more; he couldn’t ask Mafuyu but he needed to know the facts at least. He tried to think of anyone who could help him, he didn’t have Hiiragi’s number. Then he remembered.

  


“Itaya-kun”

“Wassup?”

“You have Hiiragi’s phone number? Or does any one of your friend’s have it?”

“Mafuyu’s Hiiragi?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll text you the contact. All okay?”

“Yeah. Fine, just send it to me now?”

  


Uenoyama stared at the contact and finally touched the call option.

“Moshi moshi, who’s this?”

“Hiiragi-kun, it’s Uenoyama Ritsuka. I am Mafuyu’s …”

“I know I know, you’re somewhat of a star. What’s up?”

“Uh, I want to know about them.”

“Them?”

“Mafuyu and him”

“Ah, him. I don’t know, maybe you should ask Mafuyu, I shouldn’t say things he doesn’t want me…”

“Please. Whatever you can.”

  


After a one-hour phone call with someone he barely knew, he knew all about the saga of Mafuyu and Yuki. He’d thought he needed to know, that he’d understand Mafuyu better. And he did, he did get where he was coming from now. But he also definitively felt much worse. How was he to compete with history like that? 

Yuki and Mafuyu had grown up together, they loved each other in all the ways anyone can love someone. It wouldn't be wrong to say they were soulmates. How does one compete with that?

Uenoyama couldn't fathom how strong a love like that is, how profound such a loss is. He wants to help Mafuyu be okay but he isn't sure if that's possible.

He hates that he will never compare to Yuki, maybe he is just the rebound for Mafuyu. 

If he could help ease the emptiness Mafuyu must be feeling even a little, maybe it's enough.

He knows he will probably never be as important to Mafuyu as Yuki will always be the love of his life. 

He wishes he could've at least been something.

_"That song you guys wrote, it was Yuki's."_

Uenoyama knew now what that discomfort was. It was sadness.

  


* * *

  


  


  


  


Uenoyama was staring off into space while Kaji-san polished his drums. They were a bit early to practice.

“Oi, Uenoyama” Akihiko waved his drumsticks in front of his face, “You in there?” He poked his cheek.

Uenoyama snapped back to life, “He still loves him.”

“Who?”

“You know who.” Uenoyama looked down. He’d said the hated fact out loud for the first time. He hated how his throat tightened up and eyes moistened.

“Ah, I do know who. So what?”

He looked up angrily at his bandmate, “So what? You’re asking me so what?”

“Yeah. It’s not like we didn’t know Mafuyu loved Yuki. They grew up together and were together, of course he loves him. And he’ll always do. Why is that a problem for you?”

“So the man you love being in love with someone else won’t bother you?” Uenoyama was growing irritated with Kaji-san, he was no help, he could just let him wallow in self pity alone then.

"Yes, it would. I would be scared to lose him if he loved this other man more.”

“Exactly.”

“What exactly? Did Mafuyu tell you he didn’t love you?”

“No. He said he still loves him.”

“That’s very normal. You can’t just turn love off.”

“Leave me alone.”

“I can’t. Your head is so far up your ass I’m afraid my lead guitarist will suffocate and die.”

Uenoyama glared at Akihiko who was smirking.

“You fool. You’re still assuming shit and not even thinking clearly. Yes, it’s bad if someone you love loves someone else. You’re scared to lose him, I understand but did you stop to think that the person you are so threatened by doesn’t exist anymore, who is Sato going to leave you for?”

Uenoyama had never thought about that.

“Yeah, I can see it dawning on you that your competition is nonexistent. You silly guitarist, they had a thing and he’d always have a place in his heart but his heart is not a one-bedroom apartment that you’d not have room. You probably have a room of your own with its own kind of furnishing.”

“They didn't just have "a thing", he was the love of his life, their history is so strong it’ll always leave him hurting and wanting him back. Even that song we worked on was something he was working on. I’m basically a replacement. And not even the good kind, a cheap copy he is making do with.”

Kaji-san started laughing, “I’m sorry but hearing you say that is hilarious.” He sobered up, “Where is the conceited asshole guitarist?”

“I’m not conceited.”

“Stubborn, then.”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay, so your problem is that song was Yuki’s before it was yours? Look at it this way, you completed something incomplete that he left behind and through that helped Mafuyu speak up and say how he feels. And you’re scared that all that history makes your relationship with him insignificant? History is just time, make your own history with him, you’re not going anywhere, are you?”

Uenoyama stared at Akihiko, "It doesn't matter how much time I spend with him. He'll always be there. If it's something they had done together, Mafuyu will be reminded of him and if it is something new then he will wonder how the experience would've been with Yuki. I'll always be the one he settled for. I can never measure up, it's just a matter of time before he realises that."

“Look, no relationship is invincible. But you guys have the things you need to work with to make it work. You both love each other. So, work on the present, be good to him and you’ll have nothing to worry about. Yeah, Sato does love Yuki, but his dead ex-boyfriend is the least threat to your relationship unless you make him an issue. There are a lot of other guys who’d snap up your sweet lover in the blink of an eye. So instead of fighting other guys, or worrying about who he loves or doesn’t, make sure you are in it for real and making effort. That’s honestly what anyone can do, the rest of it is time and a little bit of luck.”

Uenoyama looked up at him, "Mafuyu doesn't love me, he's just lonely."

Akihiko sighed, "He told you he does. And he wants to be with you, that counts for something. And you, Uenoyama Ritsuka, are a good person. Mafuyu can see that. He is just hurting right now that doesn't mean he can't love you. You love him and right now you have him, so show him how you feel. All any of us can do is show how we feel and hope that it's requited." he shrugged, "Nothing is guaranteed but what I know for sure is that you are pretty damn special."

Uenoyama stared at Akihiko with wide eyes. Then suddenly threw both his hands around Akihiko and hugged him close. “Arigato.”

Hearing the honest gratitude, Akihiko hugged him back, “You’re still stupid. But things are good for you right now.”

  


“Am I to enter this studio every day to see someone on top of another?!” Haruki screamed, “Why can’t I ever get in on the action?”

Mafuyu was standing beside him, smiling at the hugging pair. Uenoyama returned it with a grin of his own.

“Hey.”

“Hey. I wrote the lyrics. Finished it in one night.”

Uenoyama stood up and went to his boyfriend and kissed him softly, “Hey.”

Mafuyu held onto him with a smile, “Hello.”

“Young, disgusting, love.” Haruki placed a hand on his heart with a sigh.

“You’re one to talk,” Uenoyama snarked, without letting go of his boy.

“Okay, kids, back to work.” Akihiko took his place behind his drums.

Mafuyu lit up and brought his notebook out, “I wrote a song. Arrangement is still left but the basic tune and lyrics.”

“Cool, let’s hear it.”

Mafuyu smiled at Uenoyama, “This one is for you guys.”

_Last Year_

_I found somebody new  
I tried to put you in the past  
I don’t even know  
If our memories will last_

_Goodbye love,  
Last year was an entire winter  
Goodbye love,  
Last year had no winner  
No good reason to go,  
Yet you’re gone._

_I found a few somebodies  
Warm, alive and beautiful  
I found people to live for  
I have new memories to make_

_I let my guard down  
No one attacked  
He held my hand and  
Led me to our stage_

_They’re still here  
I think they’ll stay_

_Goodbye love,  
Last year was an entire winter  
Goodbye love,  
Last year had no winner  
I have a good reason this month  
I know my way up from south_

_I found somebody new  
I put you in the past  
I know now that it’s good  
Memories are meant to last. _

_They’re still here  
I think they’ll stay._

Mafuyu looked at his bandmates, hoping for feedback, to see all of them smiling.

"Well, we are back in business" Haruki picked up his guitar. Akihiko started a beat.

Sato smiled and kept his notebook down. He moved to where his boyfriend was standing, "Did you listen to the lyrics?"

Uenoyama nodded, "I did. I don't really know if I understood correctly."

Mafuyu held his hand and tangled their fingers, "It means I am really happy that I met you. I didn't think I will ever be ready to say goodbye to Yuki, I didn't know how to cope. With you, I don't feel empty. I feel good. I am really glad that you are here." He squeezed his hand, "I love you. And I think I am ready to move on." He smiled.

Uenoyama searched Mafuyu's eyes for any hesitation or lie but only saw hope and love. He looked down at their intertwined fingers and dared to hope that he really was slowly becoming something in Mafuyu's life.

"I'm glad."

**Author's Note:**

> So?  
> Whaddya think? 
> 
> If you liked it, a little bit, a wee wittle bit, leave kudos.  
> .  
> Maybe comment, please?


End file.
